You know that incredibly pesky instant when you get your hands dirty (grease, mud, chicken gravy) or someone hands you 4 thick books that demand both your hands? And then a few seconds after, your nose abruptly becomes itchy or a fly uninvitedly lands on your face? Ladies and gentlemen, The
Law of Mechanical Repair.
Perhaps when affairs don't function the way we'd favour it to, as human beings, rational and logical in our natural state, we'd rather believe that the occurrences are all concurrent. That when you least anticipate it, something will take place that'll bother you to a great extent. But, lo and behold, there are written laws. Written and created by the genius minds that be in today's cosmos. Or perchance.. minds that are so absolutely blasé, they actually had time to produce a set of laws for the daily matters we are not inclined to acknowledge too much. So today, I will share with you my favourite 10.
Law of Workshop. At one point, while you're working with a certain tool (a pen, scotch tape, hair pin), it will circumstantially be dropped and it'll land in the most inaccessible corner. Yep, you now acknowledge that this has happened to you. You are a living witness and it drives you bonkers, does it not?
Let's operate with proportionality this time. There's a mathematical formula for mortifying instants. The probability of being watched ∝ stupidity of your act. Simply put, the more awkward the act (hugging the wrong person from the back thinking she's your friend), the more likely a big group of her friends (and yours) will be around to witness it. This is what we call the Law of Probability.
There are those days when you hardly have the interest to show up for work or class so you come up with the best and most plausible excuse. But if you knew the next law, the Law of Alibi, you probably wouldn't make up an excuse because if you were to say you had a flat tire, soon enough, you will have a flat tire.
Now the Variation Law, probably my worst enemy really. It claims that 'If you change lanes (traffic, in the groceries), the lane you were previously at will move faster" and this cannot be any more dead on target.
Law of Result. So your mum asked you to set up the automatic dishwasher, and you attempted to but it didn't work. So you moved to the living room and watched TV. Your mum caught you and got mad 'I thought I told you to start the dishwasher?' "But it doesn't work" you try to reason out. To prove it, you lead her to the dishwasher and testify you're honestly an obedient kid. But because the odds are against you, the dishwasher works, so your mum arrives at the conclusion that are you, indeed, a sloth.
From your school uniform, you change into casual clothes simply to recognize the absence of your extra shoes. You're stuck with those horrifying black leather shoes that don't go well with your shorts. The Law of Close Encounters then acts out. By this I mean, right when you wish someone you know won't bump into you, the probability of it materializing heightens. Same applies when you bump into someone when you're with someone/thing you wish not to be seen with.
Law of dirty rugs/carpets. Your mum will hate you for this. This law states, and I quote directly 'The chances of an open-faced PB&J sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, colour and cost of the carpet/rug'. I'd like to personally add, dropping a gadget is also directly correlated to the newness and cost of it. (First day of getting my first iPod and I dropped it hard on the floor. Could I be any more gawky?)
That truly, exceedingly, tremendously bothersome moment when you're at an event that has assigned seats (say you're at a movie theatre) and the person(s) at the furthest seat(s) from the aisle arrive(s) late. Yeah, we've all been there (especially embarrassing when we're the ones who are assigned at those seats & are running late). This, my dear readers is the Theatre Law. You will have to scoot over to make way for that person, more than half the time.
The last law I'd like to share is called the Bath Theorem, but I'd like to modify it because I feel that.. Well, I just want to. I call it the Comfortability Theorem. This.. this gets to me and it's kind of my pet peeve, I suppose. Two different scenarios, same issue.
First: You are, at long last, in the shower, shampooing and singing to Natasha Bedingfield's Pocketful of Sunshine when the telephone/doorbell rings.... Really now?
Second: You are in a comfortable position in bed, on the couch, or at the dining table when you realize you have one more task to do or you forgot the ketchup at the kitchen. But you don't want to get out of that position cause you're just so comfortable already! What on earth are you to do? Curse at the Comfortability Theorem for ruining the simple joys of life.
What I love most about life is that it doesn't always take much to make people happy. There are simple things we enjoy such as finding a good spot on the couch, or scratching our nose when there's a tad bit of an itch. But what gets to me is that the chances of these little happiness(es) being ruined or detracted are high. There's really nothing we can do to change it, I guess. They are, after all, unavoidable laws. The most we can do is understand them and.. share it with others. So that when we suffer, we know that at least, we're not the only one. Because let's face it, we're not the most altruistic people on this planet.
